crash into me

2008-06-19T13:29:00.002-04:00

yeahh the netherlands topped its group and beat italy, france and romania..
can't wait for the next game against russia.
for now, the excitement surrounding the germany vs. portugal match is mounting,
especially evident since i live in little italy where almost everyone here is italian or portuguese.
it's funny what soccer does to people-

either ways, i hope the oranje team goes far!

Hup Holland Hup! Laat de leeuw niet in zijn hempie staan!

2008-06-10T00:56:00.003-04:00

the winter has finally passed and i am now officially alive after months of hibernation.
although it's been so warm lately i've only been hiding in my room in front of the fan.
spring is lovely- we watched as the trees along our street started blooming again, and the neighbourhoods became alive once more.
the way seasons stay the way they are year in, year out is so amazing.

interestingly enough, as i write this, there is a severe thunderstorm (that could potentially, though highly unlikely, lead to a tornado) alert put out for the city of toronto-
i don't think i've seen so much lightning in one night.
it's a little disconcerting, but like most other people, i've become so complacent about everything.
there's something about thunderstorms that make me feel really peaceful inside...

school will be over soon, and then i will be done with university.
and then i will be an adult.

2008-03-07T14:15:00.002-05:00

another winter snow storm.

why? i'm done with snow. slush. and all that jazz.

dreaming of the sun, the warmth, and summer dresses.

saving for the caribbean/miami/south america...a girl can dream. can't i?

love.

2008-02-12T09:37:00.000-05:00

happy chinese new year!
i had the best new year dinner outside of home this year at my friend peter's house.
watercress soup, roasted pork and duck, kai lan, home-made yu sheng...shiokkk
it was very fun trying to explain to all the exchange students how to play dai di and how to eat peking duck.
everyone was all decked in red, all ready to eat drink and gamble. good times.
i miss home though. the family, the friends, the gambling and all the little goodies lying around the house.

so, all i really wanted to blog about is that i think kanye west's rap on 'Stronger' is...well...really shit.
talk about destroying a good song. puts daft punk to shame.
it's not the fact that he's rapping that's bad, it's the lame lyrics that make me cringe.

i need to travel. anyone wants to donate to my cuba fund?? x

2008-02-03T15:10:00.000-05:00

it's so pretty out, snow is everywhere!
the trees are covered in white, it's quite romantic really.
20cm of snow on friday makes for slushy hell the next few days!
ahh, you win some, you lose some i reckon.

10 more days till my baby arrives!
then we have 6 months of living together in a tiny house with 4 other roommates.
i'm excited. i can't believe it hasn't even been a year since we met.
don't want to jinx it, but i'm really happy!!! for once!!!

i'm glad things are coming together.
i've met some of the most wonderful people the past 2 years,
but somehow i feel lonely every now and then,
i guess there's only so much partying one can do.
and there's a sense of finality to each of the friendships i make here...
perhaps it's a precautionary step to wise up and not get too close.
who knows.

i am looking forward to going home. x

2008-01-05T16:58:00.000-05:00

wow, so it's almost a week into 2008,
and i do not feel any different.
except maybe that bad bad cold i'm suffering from right now,
i don't think the new year has ushered in any significant changes as i imagined in my head.
maybe i'm being too impatient.
ahh, the shortcoming of a 20-something.

it's been a great 2007- a time of new experiences as well as a time of returning to the familiar.
it was also a time of learning to say goodbye to wonderful and amazing people that have come my way.
parting ways has never been my forte, and i highly doubt it ever will.
simply because, when has leaving something/one you hold so dearly ever easy?
but it has to happen, and it did and i am still hoping that someday all of us could meet again, somewhere in the world, where we can reminisce the good old days in amsterdam when we were young, enthusiastic and most importantly, free.
going back to canada was another big step, returning to where it all happened felt a bit weird and overwhelming at first but it quickly settled back into the old routine.
i'm honestly really done with school. i'm not sure if i necessarily managed to achieve what i intended to, and it is quite disappointing indeed.

2008 will probably be another exciting year of ups and downs; of major decisions and minor ones; of good and bad.
but first, one step at a time, i reckon.
what's the point of jumping the gun anyway?
one thing's for sure though, i've become increasingly homesick and i think it will definitely play a huge role in where i end up after i graduate.
people do change, i guess.

2007-12-05T20:05:00.000-05:00

i had my crime and delinquency test on monday
i just had my deviance and control test.
the professor for that class looks like dennis quaid, albeit a zimbabwean version.
also got back my chinese cinema paper and a take-home exam for that course.
i have another paper due on friday and an exam on the coming monday.

and i am exhausted.
given, the period leading up to this crazy week was maybe spent too frivolously,
and given, i could have tried to focus more on school and less on..well...nothing.

i am so tired.
of school, of work, of getting up every morning wondering when all the mundane routines would end, and when the snow would melt into endless sunshine.
my head hurts, i had way too many cups of coffee, and i can't sleep without thinking about all the shit i have to do.

one more week (hopefully) and i'll be done.
and then it's san franciscooooooo!
xxxxx

2007-11-20T00:18:00.000-05:00

it's pouring out,
i don't seem to remember it raining so much in toronto-
i must have brought it back with me to serve as a constant reminder of the love/hate relationship i shared with the weather in amsterdam.

over the weekend i was out with the exchangies partying at the bata shoe museum
slightly pricey but very very very fun.
the music line-up was amazing- tlc, britney spears, notorious b.i.g, fedde le grand.
stuff i like to dance to.
what happened after was pretty much a blur,
all i know is that getting up for work the next day was very difficult and painful.
the even bigger downside- i had to miss the santa claus parade.
that really disappointed me. i had to whine about it the whole shift at work.

just the other week, i was sitting at starbucks attempting to read on a rainy gloomy day
standing next to me was the resident homeless guy drinking his hot coffee.
he's sweet, he sits at the corner of my street and sometimes he hides out at starbucks.
he never causes trouble and he's friendly.
and in comes a family of 3- a suave and important-looking dad and his 2 girls.
the girls, about 8 years old, were deciding on what to drink.
girl one says she wants a cappucino. then looks at my frappucino and loudly expresses a change of heart.
she wants a frapp.
girl two, dismayed at this horrid choice of beverage exclaims that it's freezing out,
PLUS the frappucino is "so fattening. it has 300 calories in it!"

i shit you not.
that's exactly what she said.

first- who the hell orders cappucino at age 8?
second- who the hell knows how many calories there are in a damned frappucino at age 8?
third- which genius kid even knows what a calorie is at age 8?
fourth- which 8 year old kid even cares about calories in their coffee??

here i was, in the middle of a socially awkward (yet highly interesting) situation.
one one hand, a man with nothing, drinking whatever is given to him by the baristas,
on the other hand, 8 year old girls who worry about calories in their expensive coffees,
wearing their faux animal print vests and carrying their little branded school bags.
there we were- three groups of people representing three levels of the social strata.

toronto is a very interesting city-
all you really have to do is sit at a coffee place for an afternoon and you'll discover so much.
the rich/the poor/the student/the hippie/the yuppie/the immigrant/the local...
walking home from school, i'd notice how in one block there were chinese, ethiopian, japanese, greek, persian, latin american, italian restaurants neatly placed in between a german and portuguese church.
and that's in one block.

i love this city- there are a lot of weird people (in good and bad ways)
but it's so darn eccentric, i love it.

so i say, let it rain!
i'm ready for what toronto has to offer!

p.s. happy birthday to my favourite girls-
janice and piggy!
i love you and i miss you two so much.

2007-10-29T18:03:00.000-04:00

i'm afraid that when things come down to it
i won't know what to do.

it's time for a change,
i'm hoping to stick with it but who knows.

x

2007-10-21T13:00:00.000-04:00

i've been getting these really strange phone calls from a guy from ghana (apparently) who wants to be friends with me.
he's weird and it's freaking me out a little.
and now everytime i see an unknown number call i am afraid it might be him.
fucking guy...luckily i get free incoming calls otherwise i'd hunt him down to pay for my phone bills

anyways, gjalt left toronto yesterday after spending a week here.
i miss him so much! it's so weird to be spending every minute of the hour with someone and then have that person leave.
i feel a bit lost now but with all the damn work i have to start (and should have already begun), i think i will be okay.
at first i was a little apprehensive about meeting him after being away from amsterdam since i haven't seen him, and vice-versa, for almost 2 months. we talked on the phone everyday but then still....short time but i reckon long enough for people to start changing?
it went perfect- everything fell into place, we didn't feel any different and it was just the best and most relaxed week ever of good food, good talks and good company.

the weather is ridiculously warm today. it's a max of 24 degrees and a min. of 12.
last year this time the max. temp was 9.2 degrees!
i hope this means a warm winter (with snow please)

another piece of exciting news- i bought a bike!
and last night i rode it home from chinatown...it was a little scary since i'm not at all used to the bicycle or the roads in toronto.
i have a french bike with the light frame, but it's a ladies vintage cruiser which was what i wanted.
i miss the chunky dutch bike isabelle let me use in amsterdam though! that bike was literally indestructible!

alrighty, back to cleaning the mess in my room.
its very gezellig, very cozy, very comfortable.
i'm happy :)

2007-10-10T20:26:00.000-04:00

thank you one and all for the sweet birthday wishes!
the texts, the calls, the emails, the facebook messages...you all make me feel at home even though i'm thousands of miles away!
it really brightened up my week..i have so much work and studying to do and i can't be arsed to get through with it.
i know it's only a matter of time before i start eating my words,
but i can't WAIT TO BE DONE SCHOOL!

bloody fricking homework. what for???!!
for a degree that doesn't guarantee you anything anyways...
meh.

less than 2 days before gjalt arrives!!! at least there's something positive to look forward to ;)

2007-10-09T11:22:00.000-04:00

my first day as a 22 year old.
its all going to go by so fast from now on.

thanksgiving dinner in guelph with the aunt and cousins was fun!
good food, good sleep, just a relaxing and comfortable stay...
it was very familiar even after 1.5 yrs of absence.

met up with heni and had hungarian goulash...so yummy.
viktor and heni are the cutest couple ever...he's so mild and she's always bossing him around but they're just the sweetest people and they have the best couple dynamics!
i met heni and isabelle both in my first year in a sexual history class
and its strange to know that one has graduated from her masters' program in holland, and the other has moved into an apartment she bought with her boyfriend in the suburbs.
and me? i'm just truckin'!

my birthday celebrations last night went really well!
it's always so awkward to be excited about your own birthday...it's almost a violation of the basic virtue of humility!
and it's supposed to be overrated but i honestly don't think that such ideal notions of groundedness applies to the single most important date of my life.
plus, it's good reason to have a party!
the night started off slow at the beginning,
at 11pm i was still drinking a beer by myself.
then kweku and naiff came by with a bottle of white, then joy boo (yes! from jc times!!) and gang then we eventually met up with more people in a pub called the madison.
it was simple, just drinking beers and taking shots from my collegues who were trying to get me wasted.
good clean fun!

my 21st in amsterdam was almost too crazy, but my 22nd not that bad too.

and now, it's back to work! x

2007-10-06T20:06:00.000-04:00

i love feist-
toronto represent!!!

from "mushaboom"

"Helping the kids out of their coats
But wait the babies haven't been born
Unpacking the bags and setting up
And planting lilacs and buttercups

But in the meantime I've got it hard
Second floor living without a yard
It may be years until the day
My dreams will match up with my pay

Old dirt road
Knee deep snow
Watching the fire as we grow old

I got a man to stick it out
And make a home from a rented house
And we'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done.."

2007-10-05T20:41:00.000-04:00

my father called me a couple of days ago to ask why i haven't updated my blog in such a long time.
i don't know why- i haven't been consistent enough or inspired enough to let anyone have a peek into my life i reckon.
i guess it all comes full circle because i also have been feeling tremendously homesick a few weeks back.
choosing to leave home was my idea, not updating, emailing or calling people was also my idea, trying to not to care was also my brilliant idea. but, i'm ready to try again.
flying air transat cross the atlantic was also my idea- a bad idea to be honest.

recently i've been feeling very unmotivated with regard to school. knowing that i can't graduate on time as planned sort of brought me down a little but it's not so much the fact of, but the uncertainty as to whether i can eventually end up in classes i need to graduate that bugs me. the woes of a student of a massive university with tiny class capacity sizes and constant budget cuts.
oh well, one step at a time...one step at a time.

so anyways, here's a quick summary of the past 2 months:

leaving amsterdam was difficult. i am really in love with the city, the people (my best dutchies are so contrary to what people say about the dutch being boring, cheap and "robotic"), the culture, the history, the architecture, the food, the sights of tourists wandering drunk and high on the streets, the smell of weed drifting through the streets at 9 in the morning, the feeling of biking everywhere, the sound of dutch being spoken inside and out: albert heijn, FEBO krokets, patat frites met vlaams mayo, zuurkool stampot, fiets of bromfiets? omleiding! ik zou het er op kunnen doen, ik zou in je ogen kunnen verdwallen, biertjes, and so much fucking fun.
i loved that i was in a culture so rich and foreign to me, i felt so insignificant and it made me realise even more how much of the world i had to explore.
i tend to look back at the pictures and videos from europe and i feel so nostalgic after.
and this nostalgia, i thankfully get to share with andrew, aaron and all the other international students we met there.

having experienced the best year of my life so far, it obviously made leaving the beautiful city and my favourite dutch boy behind and coming back to toronto a lot harder than it should be.
days are going by fast but not fast enough.
my new place is in the neighbourhood of little italy,
i have 4 other roommates (2 guys and 2 girls), all from canada.
sometimes i feel a little bit extra because of the culture differences but sometimes i think i exaggerate it in my head.
my room is on the top floor and it's finally all come together and i'm pleased with the results.
all i need is a floor rug and my room is 100% complete. but i'm suprisingly okay with half-hearted attempts at things, perhaps not so great a quality if you think about how my future might end up looking.

it takes me about 20 - 30 minutes to walk to school and on the way i always pass by at least 5 homeless people or junkies.
i think there is not enough support for them and i wish more could be done
but wishing never solved anything, has it?
i need a bicycle but i'm super picky (especially since i've grown so used to isabelle's bike) and super cheap so i have been procrastinating in that regard.
i have a job, i'm working as a bartender at school events. pay is lousy, i don't get tips and i have to wear a hideous bow tie and tux shirt but the up side is that i get to drink way too many cans of ginger ale and keep whatever wine's leftover, and i meet fun people. hmmm.

gjalt jan is coming to visit me in toronto next week!
i never thought i could ever do long-distance relationships but so far so good.
considering how we spent the whole 2.5 months together everyday right up to the time i left, it was very hard to be without him when i first got back.
it felt like i was handicapped in some way. it felt very strange.
it still does but knowing that he's on his way here helpes to alleviate the stress and tension.
i'm excited!!!

3 days to my 22nd birthday. how time flies.
it falls on the canadian thanksgiving day this year, a bummer since a lot of my friends are going somewhere to celebrate the long weekend with their families. and an even bigger bummer since the shops and most importantly the liquor stores will be closed.
but i shall not complain (too much)...i'm happy to be here!

funny how things work out-
i've learnt that people need each other. whether now or later,
never burn bridges- you never know when you might need them.
not that i'm saying everyone should be a manipulative machiavellian bitch, but one should also not be impulsive and hot-headed.

oh, life.

2007-08-17T15:42:00.000-04:00

ok, so it's been a month and a week since my last update....
time sure flies when you're having a good time.

so much has happened, and so much has changed.
living with gjalt may not be as rosy as it was in the beginning but it's only becoming more comfortable and 'gezellig' as they say in dutch, my friends have all gone back to their respective countries, leaving me by myself here, and in 9 days i'll be back in toronto.
fricking weird.
my life the past year as i know it will never be the same again!
and it upsets me no end, yet it excites me as to how i will continue the journey with all the experiences from the past year.

so the update:
janice's graduation was nice...exeter is a pretty city with quite a active bar scene, it appears! not so much the dodgy countryside janice always describes it to be!
london, was of course, amazing as usual, but also super expensive. especially for someone with a very very limited budget like myself.

gjalt and i took a week off from amsterdam to go to his dad's place in dordrecht...so nice to have a big clean house equipped with all the essentials unlike his current place in amsterdam...went to a blues festival there which was quite an experience considering i know shit about music and the various genres.

and for the past 16 days, gjalt and i have been travelling spain and portugal!
was in madrid for a total of 5/6 days and to 4 different cities in portugal...
and what can i say, the food was amazing, the weather was great (although a tad bit hot in madrid), and the cities were just so beautiful! it felt so cozy and warm and life is just so relaxed there...so sweet.
will post pictures up once i get some time to.

so many festivals across europe now, too bad i don't have enough cash otherwise i would have been off to sziget in budapest and most definitely to lowlands here in the netherlands...damien rice/arcade fire/the killers/groove armada amongst other great artistes...oh well.

in 9 days my amsterdam experience will be over.

till then, i'll be trying to absorb every single last detail of everything i do and see.

you'd think that saying goodbye would come easy after so many past encounters...but apparently it just gets harder each time.

2007-07-09T14:40:00.000-04:00

going to london tomorrow for janice's graduation!

living with gjalt and his 19 room mates has been quite crazy, but not as bad as i imagined...
it's been a shit summer (weather-wise) in amsterdam...hope things get better!

ok, have to pack. bye!

tot zaterdag.. x

2007-06-30T07:26:00.000-04:00

it's the end of june and i have to clean my room out before the next person moves in.
it's always really hard to know that this is the end of the best year i've ever had.
the past 10 months spent in this container, with my crazy ass room mates and friends.
i've grown to love this place so much- it was mine! all mine!
and now as i slowly take off the pictures on my wall i feel a bit at loss.

so many things have happened and i don't know how to let go of this wonderful year.
i don't want to-
it's almost cliche how things evolved, i come here, meet all these people from different ends of the world,
get together with a dutch boy and now we have to see what's going to happen.

ahhh. i hate moving.

:(

2007-06-19T11:45:00.000-04:00

this past weekend was quite intense-
i was with gjalt at his father's 50th birthday in dordrecht!
meeting the parents + whole extended family/friends! (yes..OMG)
apparently in holland, for the 50th, they would put an 'abraham' doll (just a doll people dress up to resemble the birthday boy) outside of the home. and for women, it's called a 'sarah' doll.
and when someone graduates, people would hang the dutch flag with a school bag over it.
funny cultural customs eh?

the weekend wasn't quite as awkward as i imagine,
i managed to survive without too much damage done, thankfully.
come to think of it, we've been together around 3.5 months and it's still going good.
really good, actually.
maybe it is possible that i can love/be loved.

quite a strange (but nice) thought, really.

ahhhhhhh.....it;s a lazy day.

2007-06-14T08:05:00.001-04:00

josune is hilarious.

:)

crazy escalators in prague

the cutest dog ever, on the train back from nijmegen

pieter, danika, gjalt and me at bar thorbecker

save barcelona, kill tourists. ha.

i love this picture...the view atop parc guell was breathtaking

global warming party @ gjalt's flat

my favourite people: gjalt and danika

haha! randomness

i can't believe it's the middle of june already.

2007-06-11T05:05:00.001-04:00

so it's set, i won't be going back to singapore this summer but will still in amsterdam and find a job!
it's strange, my first summer away from home ever!!
and this will truly be a test of independence for me-
no allowance from my father (yes, i am so spoilt), all my friends gone...
i think it will be great.

so my new neighbours moved in...
both girls are from texas but both are so different.
one is pretty quiet and she has a huge dog in her room;
the other is here on an apprenticeship to become a....dominatrix.
yes! i have interesting neighbours!

sometimes the dominatrix has sex so loud i can hear it from across the hall...even when both our doors are shut.
it's a source of entertainment for us though-
and sometimes i can barely tell the difference between her moaning and screaming and the dog's whining.
haha. sad but true.

good times. now back to work!

2007-05-30T11:51:00.000-04:00

pinkpop was crazy.

12 hours of non-stop concerts by great bands,
i missed the fratellis (which im quite bummed about), but i caught macy gray, smashing pumpkins, arctic monkeys, dave matthews band, maria mena, linkin park, evanescence, SCISSOR SISTERS!!!
they were by far my favourite...

the best part- ticketmaster fucked up and sent me and danika extra tickets each so i could bring gjalt in for free and she sold hers to buy us booze and food. yeeeaaaaah.

never thought i could be that lucky!

have to work on that final paper now on why capital punishment as a form of justice is sustained in singapore and not in the netherlands. i think it's interesting but the loser in me wishes i had done it on a simpler topic instead.
meh.

tot ziens!

2007-05-21T08:11:00.000-04:00

so it's been a while since i've last updated-
never thought i could weave myself off blogger for more than 2 days but apparently i can.
the human mind is stronger than you can ever imagine.

still too lazy and unmotivated to upload pictures, although they are religiously updated (most of them) on facebook.
facebook- oh, what an invention.

and yes, classes are about done and i now have 3 final papers to finish before the end of the month.
not an easy feat considering i'm about as driven as a slug.
still on a hunt for a summer job so i can support myself till august.

everything is going fine and dandy here in the netherlands,
been spending lots of time with gjalt and my friends...
i love being free. i love the city. i love being here. i love how i feel here.
i feel confident and happy and i am myself here without having to always look behind to see if people are judging me or comparing me to others.

maybe it's the novelty. or maybe i have truly found something more than just fun here.

Museumplein Radio 538 - DJ Tiesto - Part 5

2007-05-01T14:38:00.001-04:00

queen's day was the best best best party i've ever been to-
drunk people everywhere, singing and dancing on the streets,
boats out in full force on the tiny canals.
everyone in orange gear-

i don;'t even know where and how to begin blogging about my experiences!!!
will post some pictures soon,

but for now:

DJ TIESTO!! we went to a free concert @ museumplein and dj tiesto was playing...
150,000 people were there rocking the party!
sweetness. it was the most amazing way to end the day of festivities...

i'm definitely in love with holland.

2007-04-23T15:56:00.000-04:00

part one of photos to come:

BARCELONA: APRIL 18th TO APRIL 22nd

us

placa espana

my bed in the hostel...dangerously high up; don't know how many times i almost fell

us and barca

gothis old town

park guell

photo-whoring @ park guell

the sagrada familia

sandy and i with the view of barcelona behind us

us at the sagrada familia

nice view of the stairs

@ the metro

2007-04-23T09:23:00.000-04:00

april's been a great month thus far:

keukenhof with the best people;
beaching it with g,
prague and barcelona,
lounging at the park with g and his friends...

not so good in terms of my biking career:
getting hit by a van outside of the anne frank house;
in my defence, he was a lousy driver. he reversed his van without even looking to see if anyone was behind!
crashing into an audi convertible parked on the side of the street and broke my bell/scratched his car in the process.
the embarrassment killed me more than the physical pain itself!!

this week is going to be massive!
danika's bday and queen's night/day and of course, our stavangerweg shaker at the lawn!

if this is not living life, i don't know what is.

xoxo

vacations

2007-04-03T10:52:00.000-04:00

prague was beautiful.
it's probably my favourite european country of all time, just a little ahead of budapest.
it seems the central european cities work better for me!
budapest still retains a lot of the soviet feel with its bullet-damaged buildings and constantly gloomy overtone
while prague's more vibrant and colourful.
i wish i could stay there for a longer period of time, we were there for only 4 days!

it helped so much that the weather was phenomenal while we were there,
plus everything was so fricking cheap!
i had a main course, a side dish, a beer, 2 cokes, 3 martinis for 15 euros (tip included!!!!!)
we were living the life there.

rome, on the other hand, was magnificent but less intriguing for me.
you can't deny the majesty and the rich history,
but i felt like i was constantly in a big amusement park that i couldn't escape.
it was just too much i reckon.

anyways, pictures from rome (will post more prague pics soon! way too lazy now)

ROME - March 17th to March 21st 2007

danika and i with the colosseum

inside the colosseum

sarah and danika- love this picture

altars all over the city

the victor emmanuelle II monument

the forum romanum

vatican city

exterior of st. peter's basillica

inside the basillica

PRAGUE - March 30th to April 2nd 2007

by the john lennon wall

kissing the guard outside the prague castle

2007-03-27T08:17:00.000-04:00

for my prostitution class, we have to write a final paper on whichever topic we choose in the field of, obviously, sex work and the industry in general.
i'm thinking of doing my paper on sex work in singapore.
so i google it, and i come across a video by the tv show 'get real!' on gay prostitution.

and it's quite enlightening because apparently the clients and the pros themselves are in denial of potential sexually transmitted diseases, they adopt the don't ask, don't tell policy which can be very dangerous for their own healths.
i like that finally someone is highlighting the issue on national televsion because we can finally talk about it.

but then i really hated the way they approached the whole issue from the standpoint of moral high ground-
the parts about how it's so 'disturbing', and how it's taking place right in front of us.
come on, let's be honest. it happens everywhere, all the fricking time.
it's almost as if the 'problem' is blown out of proportion only because it has to do with homosexuality.

the narrator says, in the video, that it is so disturbing because it happens so openly,
like it doesn't in geylang amongst foreign workers. i, for one, have seen a transaction take place between a man and a woman right in front of the restaurant we were dining at, in broad daylight.
so what makes this less disturbing and horrifying??
the only difference is that in the case of the video these clients are men looking for men.

i'm not exactly articulating my point well here at all, but what i am trying to say is,
that this would be totally acceptable if it was set in a heterosexual context,

people really need to get over the fact that some people are just more inclined to homosexuality.

homophobia really pisses me off.

2007-03-21T14:23:00.000-04:00

back from rome!

very tired from a long long long trip-
the things you do to try save some money.
the trip there took us 8 changes of bus/metros/trains/planes.
the trip back was one big backpacking adventure.
but after 15 hours of travelling, i'm finally back in the dam.

rome was amazing- nothing beats history. the richness of the relics, the ruins, the magnificent architecture.
the gelato, the pizza, the pasta, the coffee.
uh mm mmm mm.

will update more later, for now, u have a midterm paper to finish in 12 hours.
it's going to be a looooooong night.

2007-03-14T10:54:00.000-04:00

class was cancelled this morning,
it's always hard when you dragged your ass up at 8.30 in the morning, rushed all the way there, only to find out there'll be no class.
which is good, i'm not complaining.

danika and i sat out by the canal, absorbing the sun.
went shopping then i went to the amsterdam historic museum!
amsterdam is really an amazing city considering what it's built on (quite literally)

been an eventful day,
who cares if my date doesn't works out in the end tonight???
the sun is still shining!
yay!

2007-03-13T14:48:00.000-04:00

there are several things i'm obsessed with-

one of which is corn.
i eat corn for breakfast, lunch and dinner. (and sometimes as a post-party snack)
i put corn in everything- tuna, pasta, rice, bread, soup.

another thing i'm obsessed with is self-pity and constant whining.

also with the sun in the wintertime.

i am obsessed with whether the boys i'm seeing are just playing me or whether they actually are genuine.

amongst other obsessions, i'm really into ben harper's "another lonely day" and the fray.

i'm obsessed with being in europe.

it's great to be crazy about something- sometimes it's just good to know there's a little bit of passion inside!

2007-03-12T09:08:00.000-04:00

oh god please no,
i knew it was all too good to be true.
i have a fricking eye infection and my eyelid is gonna fricking swell up like a tennis ball
and i am going to rome this saturday.
do i really have to go to the beautiful ancient city of rome wearing an eye patch?
why? why now? why ever?

i am so depressed.
it seems even the fantastic weather out is not going to help :(

2007-03-11T12:03:00.000-04:00

the weather for the past 2 days is/was simply amazing-
funny how a little bit of sunlight can really change your mood.
danika and i walked along spaarndammerstraat, and we lay on the grass outside our place.
just sat there and talked for hours!

beautiful day.

p.s. ben harper is perfect.

2007-03-04T10:46:00.000-05:00

so this semester i'm taking a class on the local and global complexity of prostitution,
and it's quite inspiring and depressing at the same time the facts of what's going on in our warped world.
it sucks to know that there are people out there who are literally forced into doing something they don't want to, and that they are desperate and fighting to survive,
while here i am, sitting comfortably in my little room in amsterdam reading and analysing their stories.

i want to do something useful.
i want to work hard towards making a difference.

i want to work for a NGO to do with human trafficking, especially of women and children into the sex industry.

yes, i have that figured out.

here are some facts to end the post with:
there was a 350% increase in the number of pornography sites since Jan to Dec 2001.
there was a 1280% increase in documented cases of child pornography from 1996 to 2001.

crazy, eh?

2007-03-03T19:59:00.000-05:00

and finally, some pictures to spice things up a little.
these are from my travels thus far, expect more to come!!!

LONDON: jan 24th to jan 26th

trafalgar square

krispy kreme at harrold's

tube!

big ben

don't know what this is, but it's pretty darn sweet!

DUBLIN: jan 26th to jan 31st 2007

funny.

zoltan and janice with the spike

outside a church built in the early 11th century

dublin's finest...temple bar

powerscourt mansion (?) i forget

at the powerscourt gardens

bored on the bus

we had drinks at a fancy bar with zoli's friend who is working in dublin but originally from hungary. with his greek girlfriend!

BUDAPEST: feb 8th to feb 12th 2007
outside the underground club

the metal balls mark the bullet holes from the 1956 hungarian revolution

love this photo, everyone looks so pensive

at heroes square

aaron is fricking hilarious

2007-03-03T19:49:00.000-05:00

wow.

i just saw my first ever lunar eclipse.
danika and i were just standing outside all decked out in our pretty cocktail dresses freaking out because it's probably one of the most trippy things you will ever experience.
it's sights like these that make you feel so small and all your problems so insignificant.
beauty at its purest.

what a perfect way to end the chinese new year!

2007-03-02T14:17:00.001-05:00

i love you, papa.

you never fail to crack me up and be there for me.
my heart was in shambles last week but now it's all good.
thank you for sacrificing so much just so i could live my life and be able to experience all these wonderful things i'm going through right now.
for allowing me to leave for canada 9000 miles away from home, and then allowing me to go to amsterdam for one whole year...
for always watching my back and making sure eveything is the best for me.
for just being so fricking hilarious and so damn cute.

i don't even know how to start thanking you.
you mean the whole entire world to me.

who cares if bram doesn't love me? i have my dad! :) :)

2007-02-23T22:15:00.000-05:00

so it's 4.15 in the morning,
my friend is sleeping on my bed after having waaaay too much to drink and puking in my bathroom
and my heart is broken
yet again.

i made the number one stupid mistake of drunk dialing-
of all people, bram-
and it happened that he was sitting on his couch sipping wine.
i asked him if he was on a date. and of course, he was.

story of my motherfucking life.

funny isn't it??
i just broke down in the middle of the party
it hurt so bad.
and then, i texted him and told him something along the lines of...
"sorry to interrupt your date. have fun. i don't think we should see each other anymore. have a good life bram"

i cannot believe that after one and a half years i'm still so hung up over this fucker.

and to think i would've done anything for him. i loved him.
i loved him despite of the fact that he didn't, despite the fact that he treated me like shit, despite the fact that i constantly think of him even though it's been a long time. despite all of that nonsense, i still feel my heart skip a beat everytime he called or emailed.

it's such a terrible feeling to want to love but not be loved in return
how could zoltan ever want me??
i fucking don't deserve this!

i don't believe in love. and it's only because it doesn't exist, and it will always, always hurt.

why can't i just be normal and just focus on my studies, get a boring job, marry someone i don't love, have kids and then die???

fuckkkkkk this feels so awful

2007-02-22T12:06:00.000-05:00

my school week is over- 2 days of school and i'm done!
long weekends really mess me up though,
you lose sense of time or of your surroundings or of anything, basically.

another crazy weekend.
i don't even know what else to say.

have rome planned for march 17th and prague on march 30th!
i'm excited.
now it's just denmark/norway and spain and greece
and i will be a very happy person.

i don't want things to repeat itself but i have a feeling (although please let it not) it will.
i can't help it.

what can you do eh?

2007-02-17T10:32:00.000-05:00

i did it.
i let him go.
and i might regret it, but i know it's the right thing to do.

my first time saying goodbye to a great great guy.
if i had met him 5 years down the road i could possibly marry him.
you can't force love though...
or can you?
i'm not sure.

it sucks but i know it will all turn out fine.

2007-02-14T08:18:00.000-05:00

'twas a crazy night.

and now i'm torn between the two options
do i really want to fuck things up because of something so obviously worthless or do i want to be young, free, stupid and naive?
it may sound like an easy decision, but it's not at all.
or rather, it is a straight-forward solution, except the difficulty lies in actually executing your choices.

i don't know. all i know is that this will come back to me eventually,
and i'm freaking out because i can't deal with this. not now, not ever.

2007-02-13T12:09:00.000-05:00

budapest was so bloody amazing it's definitely one of my favourite cities.
it's got so much history, so much character, so much beauty, so much to offer.
i love it!
the people are friendly, the food is so fricking delicious, the beer is big and so cheap.
highlights:
turkish baths with strangers, partying 24 hours straight, getting kicked out of the club by hungarian mafia bouncers, pulled over by the police, oversleeping and thus missing vienna, climbing up the big hill to see some statues...having zoltan drive us around the city...and a lot more.

going on trips with friends really makes you see their true colour.
i went with danika, aaron and andrew and we met zoltan there.
it was so much fun with these people because they're absolutely crazy and hilarious.
although at times it got so bitchy i felt so extremely uncomfortable because i was stuck in the middle.
oh well, its over now, and its all good.
it comes and goes.

its that time of the year again- valentine's day.
i remember last year, and how upset i got after bram screwed me over with his selfish bastardly ways.
and this year, i'm free of all that bullshit.
i'm free to be myself and even if that means i may still be pining for true love (the kind that makes you weak in the knees, the kind that makes you laugh and cry and the same time, the kind that is real and sincere),
at least i know it won't be at the expense of my happiness.

the borrel tonight. has it really been a week???

2007-02-07T15:47:00.000-05:00

it's been a long time, hasn't it.

it's already end of first week of the second month of the new year.
what have i exactly accomplished?
to be truthful, probably nothing much.
but it's all good, you only live once, who's really keeping count anyways right?

new students have arrived from their respective countries...it's always refreshing to meet new people,
but the truth is, i'm lazy as hell and i think i might just be done with socialising for the whole semester.
although danika and i have concluded that the boys this time aren't really that impressive.
we have our eye candies all lined up though, so i think we'll be fine.
it finally happened! the bartender i had the biggest crush on (but never thought about because he's WAY too unattainable) since september finally talked to me! ahhhh, i thought i was going to faint there and then. he's beautiful. i cannot fricking believe he even noticed me. he said he was going to take me dancing! muaha!
i feel like in 15 years old all over again. oh my god.
it's so great how trying to speak dutch helps break the ice with people you're otherwise really awkward with.
i probably just jinxed it but i cannot help but think that even if he turns out to be what every dutch boy is (read: self-centred, cocky, blunt, can't be bothered with you etc etc) i'm still happy this happened.
it's a fricking dream come true!
oh, i am obsessing!

so london and dublin was as great time as i'd hoped.
the journey to london was a little dramatic i.e. missing 2 trains to the airport, not knowing which platform the trains are, big fat fog at the airport, flight cancelled, stuck in eindhoven for 9 hours, taking the worst flight in the world with ryanair, and basically missing out on one full day of potential london sighseeing time.
when i was on the train i wished out loud that the plane would get delayed so i would make it, and it seems then that dreams DO come true in a weird twisted ironic way.
this whole episode made me realise what a jerkoff bram is so i guess this time around he's really out of my life!
it sucked for a bit but making it to london really really made it all worth while.
love the city! the architecture, the many many museums and galleries, love the tube and the london cabs.
oh man.

at first i was a little apprehensive about dublin- i barely knew anything about ireland except for st. paddy's day, guinness, and the colour green.
the city is small and compact, everyone is constantly drunk even in the early afternoon on a monday.
the country side is breath-takingly beautiful...it was sweet.
will post pictures soon!

and now im packing for budapest! this one i'm really excited about- my first in eastern europe!
will be there from thursday to monday, just in time for valentine's day (BLAHHHH).
zoltan's going to be there showing us around so i'm not afraid of burly hungarian men who are out to cheat the tourists! haha.
might also be taking a day trip up to vienna!!

i'm glad i'm finally taking control of my travels. last semester was a waste...i want to make it ALL up this time around!

everything is slowly falling into place! :)

2007-01-22T09:26:00.000-05:00

wow, i just finished with season one of project catwalk in one sitting.
and i'm happy with the outcome- i loved her right from the beginning.
it's funny because one of the contestants, matthew, reminded me exactly of my friend, robin.
the way they walk, the way they flip their hair...
oh, i do miss robin very much!
too bad he's not coming to amsterdam this semester :(
never mind, norway is top on my list for the month of may anyways!

after so many hours of british television, i think i am feeling the excitement of my upcoming trip to london and dublin!
it's nice that i'm finally getting my act together and making the best out of my stay here in europe.
what is a student exchange if not for travelling?
hungary in february, prague in march, (and hopefully) barcelona in april, norway/greece in may...
i can't wait!

time to get packing. the sun is shining brightly out today.
it looks like a lovely day indeed!

2007-01-19T14:50:00.000-05:00

some of you might know that right now the weather situation in europe is a complete mess.
kyrill hit europe a few days ago and we are still experiencing the effects.
so far, 45 people have been reported dead in europe because of this, of which, 7 in the netherlands-
the windstorm was reported to have hit speeds of 120 km/h, which is fucking scary if you ask me.
i didn't realise the impact and the intensity of this windstorm till i saw the devastation!

it was horrible because the night this storm happened, i was out to meet isabelle and the whole journey made me feel completely helpless and vulnerable.
i would be walking and suddenly it would feel like someone gave me a really tight slap. it was physically painful to walk anywhere!
buses were jam packed, central station was closed because parts of the glass roof collapsed on the platform, the trams werent working-
i waited 2 hours in the cold all lost and confused and scared as hell before i finally made it to isa's place.

and as i am typing this, the wind is blowing so hard bicycles are falling all over place, it is pouring hard out.

i told bram that if this is typical dutch weather then i am very fearful of my life.

global warming is as real as it gets.

pictures-

the roof and sides were blown off

the parking garage next to my residence..bricks all over the place..

more damage

damage

crazy crazy rain

warning signs all over the city

broken umbrellas were a common sight

2007-01-18T09:44:00.000-05:00

so i'm back in the dam,

it's weird, to say the least, since this holiday back was a really really amazing one.
it's always so hard to leave, and its funny because this time i really felt like my heart was aching as i thought of leaving.

for one, being with the family was all i could ask for,
i miss every single one of them and it's actually quite sad to know that all of us have different plans and will be all over the world.
love conquers all though, and if not for them, i probably won't be able to go on.

the friends, as usual, were a bunch of goodness.
wish i had done more, but all that happened was enough!

and now i sit alone in my room, the crazy crazy storm brewing outside.
ike and i just saw the roof tops of some of the buildings fly off.
some cars are ruined, the ground is littered with debris from the roof.
scary scary shit. that's what you get for living in a residence made of aluminium and tin.

all i know is that i'm staying in tonight.
although my heart, it seems, is still in singapore.

2007-01-12T02:07:00.000-05:00

bloody rain.
really kills my mood and my desire to do anything.
but i guess it's also good because it keeps me in and i have no choice but to start on my essay.

pictures!

bubble tea with chu and janice

bangkok with the 2 most important men in my life!

mambo jambo

with styn @ zouk

outside vivo city

sufen and me!

yummy blueberry margarita and my left profile. haha

2007-01-11T00:28:00.000-05:00

yes, i must say, i am beginning to think maybe i not only could stay in singapore, but that i might want to.
i'm not sure though, it sounds a little too complicated for my liking.

last night was one crazy clubbing adventure.
st james - zouk - st james
free drinks, extremely good music, great company.
probably the best yet!
5 free drinks, free entry everywhere- being a girl in singapore can be quite a decent deal!

and now, nursing a bad hangover, i shall attempt to start writing my pop culture essay on, aptly enough, clubbing in singapore.
good god save me.

pictures up soon!

2007-01-06T23:04:00.000-05:00

it's hard to recall everything from 2006-
the first half was spent in toronto, the next three months in singapore and the last three in amsterdam.
so many things happened and so many things should/could have happened.
some people stayed, others left.
but everyone changed my life in ways of their own.
it was a whirlwind ride, and though at some point it felt like everything i did was going straight to hell, i'm glad its over.
your skin only gets thicker, you only pick yourself up and you only learn from your failures.
at least that's the plan.

9 more days and i'm out of here.
i'm not sure what to expect, but i hope 2007 only brings out the best in me

2006-12-29T14:10:00.000-05:00

i always feel like i have so many things to say
but everytime i log on to blogger, everything seems to disappear.

i'm in a slightly nostalgic mood,
but what can i do,
i'm sitting in front of the computer at 3 in the morning waiting for family guy to load.
putri's birthday party at rochester park was exactly what i expected-
fancy schmancy high-flier beautiful people with talent
where do i fit in? it's intimidating. and i am not sure how to deal with it now.

oh well, life only gets better.
at least that's what he said

2006-12-29T03:56:00.000-05:00

bangkok was a good time, as usual.
what to do for new year's?
i kinda want to go to see adam freeland at ministry of sound...who's up for it?

i need some sun,

2006-12-26T04:19:00.000-05:00

merry x'mas everyone-

good times as usual playing mafia with the guys (and girls) till 4 in the morning.
in your face back-stabbing is always fun :)

at the airport now waiting to go to bangkok!
woohoo! i heard it's sunny there, but who knows eh?!
back on the 28th so see you guys then! xoxo

:) :) :)

2006-12-22T12:12:00.000-05:00

some things don't change but some things have
so far: nadia, ming, khoo, chuan xin, janice, zouk, mos, nus.
but i feel i;m starting to change a little. maybe it comes with age.
i'm not sure

been back in singapore since tuesday morning, it's been nice meeting the family and some of the friends and getting reacquainted with the food all over again.
it's been nice to indulge, to rekindle friendships, to live the life i'm used to.
but i also miss amsterdam and all the adventures that could have taken place in the next month!

alcohol is crazy expensive here. i guess it kind of makes up for the cheap-ness of everything else?

x'mas just round the corner! love the festive season and how its such a big deal for nothing. still makes me happy though.

2006-12-17T12:04:00.000-05:00

as i'm typing this post i am also furiously trying to pack all my stuff for my month long vacation home.
and of course, as luck would will it, i lost my fricking singapore sim card,
so im guessing there goes all the contacts..
so email/msn/friendster/facebook me and we will meet!

still have 3 essays to finish...half my time at home would be spent in the library working on them.
but im still excited!

2006-12-14T13:07:00.000-05:00

charlene, i read you.

i'm a bit scared of going back to singapore too.
just spent the last few hours friendster/blog-surfing and now i am terrified of how i'd feel when i'm back home.
i cannot believe there are still people at this age who still think the way they did when they were 12.
fuck fuck fuck
i have a feeling i'd go back to feeling super ugly, fat and demoralized all over again.
being in canada and in amsterdam for the last 2.5 years really helped me build up on my self-esteem-
i actually feel like i can be somebody here..i'm more than my body shape.
people actually do notice me for who i am.
none of that "she's cute IF she loses weight" bullshit.
and it's strange but every trip home is slightly dreadful because i know i'd falter and end up feeling insecure and unworthy.
i hate feeling that way, i don't deserve it and i never want to experience that ever.

but i know i will, and it kills me because i guess i'm not that strong afterall.
and that thought makes me depressed.

fuck

2006-12-13T07:10:00.000-05:00

i have resorted to using disposable cutlery because my sink is overflowing with dirty dishes and i do not have the energy nor motivation to clean.
i have shoes and leggings and shirts and bags everywhere on the floor and i cannot be bothered to pick them up
i like to sit in the dark after the sun sets because i am too lazy to turn the lights on

my head hurts, my nose is blocked, my throat feels sandpapered
fucking amsterdam rain- everyone i know who's not dutch is sick.
must be some kind of conspiracy.

la la la, life is good

see you later, alligators

2006-12-12T08:29:00.000-05:00

dutch people are really good looking.
ha ha ha.
supposed to be writing my paper on jennifer lopez and sex but i'm too distracted by these beautiful dutchies in the library.
who needs j.lo when you can come to holland and feast your eyes on them??!
the boys are beautiful. the girls are gorgeous.
even the most average girl has style that makes up for the rest.
i'm jealous.

on another note, had my pop culture presentation on blaxploitation horror films yesterday.
didn't go half as bad as i imagined, i actually managed to convince myself i was confident enough to do it!
it's weird that classes are done.
one semester just FLEW by...even more weird to know that i probably won't see most of these people again after amsterdam.
it's quite sad, really.

next week this time i'll be back in singapore,
while i am not ready to leave amsterdam, i think being home will be nice.
looking forward to MAMBO night, girls!! wooohooo!

need to pee. tot ziens!

2006-12-09T10:12:00.000-05:00

the party last night at our place was crrrazy.
the morning after, as usual, scares the hell out of me.
the destruction, the mess, ahhhhh!
good times though,
it's a pity that i probably won't see some of these people again after they leave amsterdam!

bram came down from utrecht for the party-
made laksa and had milk tea. yummy.
it makes me so happy to know that someone not singaporean actually enjoys our cuisine and is excited about it.
showed him around amsterdam with him sitting on the back of my bike...really fun!
feels empowering to be the one in control. for once.

oh i miss him already.

2006-11-29T08:01:00.000-05:00

at the bushuis library now,
it's the second time in 2 days i've bumped into him.
i think it's fate, but the more sane side of me tells me i'm in fantasyland.

oh, but it's nice to dream every now and then, no?

discussed cybersexuality and the concept of 'real' relationships during class today.
what makes one connection more or less real than another? and who are we to judge anyways?
i feel like a lot of times we're always standing on moral high ground,
passing judgements on other people's lifestyles when it has absolutely nothing to do with us at all.
i think the internet has merely opened up another avenue for people to meet and get to know one another.
not everybody who uses the internet is a pervert, and not everyone you meet in a bar is decent.

thinking about doing my final paper on pornography and whether it can be empowering for women.
i think it definitely can be if you get rid of that moralist and traditionally patriachal standpoint we're socialised to believe.

be back in singapore in a little more than 3 weeks.
how weird eh?

2006-11-26T10:44:00.000-05:00

i think i may have mono.

if that is so, it really does explain a lot.

2006-11-23T13:15:00.000-05:00

whoever said the dutch were liberal and tolerant-->
the christian right-wing won the most seats in the recent dutch election:

from the news-
"Right-wing maverick Geert Wilders also had cause to celebrate. After leading a one-man faction in the outgoing parliament, he won nine seats on the strength of his powerful anti-immigrant message.

“We are a normal party that wants lower taxes and tougher sentences, but we are also proud of our culture and against the rise of Islam in Dutch society,” he said. “There are enough Muslims in the Netherlands and enough mosques.”

what is this! the immigration minister rita verdonk is so strict and in fact i think they're bordering on being too xenophobic. at the rate i think i can abandon my plan of moving to holland after graduation.

happy thanksgiving by the way!
off to eat some turkey!

2006-11-20T10:48:00.000-05:00

to my dearest sister-
the one whom i have learnt to love and accept despite her occasional bouts of bitchiness
the one who listens to my boy problems and tells me straight in the face to stick it up their arses
the one who is so incredibly talented and smart and beautiful
the one who loves me as i am.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
i hope you find all the happiness in the world, because you deserve nothing less.
i love you piggy!
can't wait to see you and the whole family in december :)

so...andrew, michele, danika, sandy and i went to the sinterklaas parade at dam square yesterday-
it was so much fun to see all the parents bring their kids, and the children all dressed up as zwarte pieten (the slaves of santa). very politically incorrect because sinterklaas is a white man and his workers are black.
the recent argument is that these are actually white people with their faces coloured black because of the soot from the chimneys. yeah right, who are they trying to kid?
still fun though- maybe people should take it easy, be less on the defence and then maybe things would not always end up as some sort of a conflict.
by the way, sinterklaas is celebrated on december 5th as compared to christmas on the 25th.

and here are pictures from utrecht-
oh good times.

de zwarte pieten prancing around

sinterklaas!

damn pigeons

sandy, danika, me and andrew

beautiful day in utrecht

the concert! the old men at the corner of the picture were soooo cute.

bram and his dim-sum

his crappy bike. my ass still hurts from sitting on the back

more money more problems?

bram and i

2006-11-18T14:07:00.000-05:00

went to utrecht yesterday-
really like that city, in fact i think i prefer it to amsterdam.

bram brought me to a rock concert held in zeist as a belated birthday present.
the crowd was mainly made up of alcoholics and old harley motorcyclists type of old men.
it was so much fun even though i was so out of place!
we were talking and laughing about the times we spent in toronto and it made me feel slightly nostalgic.
it's great that i was able to look at them and not feel bitter about it,
i know to be practical about our situation but spending time with him made me realise how much i liked his company and how much i missed him.

it sucks that time goes by so quickly when you truly want it to last forever.
and when that moment has passed, it will never come back again,
that's a pretty depressing thought.

it's only 8pm and i'm bored to tears.
i feel so lost sometimes.

i just want to go back to utrecht. :(

2006-11-14T05:21:00.000-05:00

received a 5 page letter in the mail from the ministry of immigration -of course, in dutch-
got bert to translate it for me, and it freaked me out because it basically said i have to leave holland in 28 days if i dont send in my papers, which i must say, THEY forgot to ask for in the first place.
as much as i love being here, i really hate the way the dutch are so amazingly slow and inefficient.
it's been almost 3 months since i've been here and my bank account has yet to be 100% set up.
residence permit is a pain in the ass, don't even talk about getting a social security number in order to work.
can't sign a phone line because i don't have a permit, which translates to more expensive pre-paid plans.
jesus, sometimes i really want to shake the system and just force them to be less bureaucratic and be more practical.
obviously only the foreigners apply for a temporary permit, why would you send the bloody letter in DUTCH?????? i mean, i understand that that is their official language, but it's really freaking retarded because it doesnt make sense at all..whoooaa....damn tu lan can.

on another note, we had THE talk last week and now things are awkward as hell.
i don't know why it always ends up this way,
but its such a joke because this time i don't want anything serious but he does,
and it's weird- it's everything i've always wanted.
oh, i am confused. i don't know what i should say or do! why can't things just remain the way it was...always drama everywhere!

headache central i say

2006-11-13T13:10:00.000-05:00

the weekend came and went,
i want it back again!

janice arrived here in a'dam on tues, we went to brussels for 2 nights and she left sunday morning-
it was one hell of a whirlwind trip,
but oh so fun!
belgium was interesting, some of the buildings are so beautiful and grand while the others are so ugly and modern.
the streets are wider than in amsterdam so it kind of loses it european appeal but it was still pretty.
the waffles, the mussels and fries, the BEER!!! omg, i love the beer.
cheap and tasty, we had cherry and apple and raspberry beer...so yummy.
we met up with sirika in brussels and it was nice catching up again! can't believe she won't be back in toronto when i go back next year.. :(

brought her to the places i hang out here in a'dam-
the borrel on tuesday, a dutch graduation party, a club with a table tennis table and cool graffiti, her riding a bike around town and her sitting on the back of my bike while i cycled.
we endured the worst night ever- dropped my keys at the club where isa had her graduation party. rode all the way home in the pouring rain only to find that out, i started freaking out and thankfully someone found the keys in the club. had to ride there and then back home. it was terrible, we were drenched and soaked and it was cold and i was going crazy. but these make for good memories i guess!

good times.

some pictures!

the famous red light district in amsterdam

isabelle the graduate, christie and me

janice, isa and me

the worst night ever! but a lucky ending, thankfully

janice on her bike! she's a natural

we love our stroopwafels!

flea market shopping!!

bag shopping?

window shopping

sea wall mural

secret garden- they have tons of wall murals and they all look so real!

the trees and janice

the statues

janice!

fun

i look like shit here but janice keeps on snapping on her camera anyways!

the palace of justice and the elevator

the war memorial

bicycle!

dinner with sirika

of course, a dinner is not complete without drinks :)

at delirium cafe- they have 2400 types of beer there! madness!

allo allo?

our typical belgium meal

jan as the little boy who saved brussels

the manneken pis himself

nice!

the main building at the grote markt- so beautiful!

love the streets and the banners that were all around!

yes, that says it all

2006-11-05T06:08:00.000-05:00

it was nights like last night that makes me look up into the cloudy amsterdam sky and thank god i have,
1) a bicycle
2) alcoholic friends
3) feet that managed to survive walking around for hours in heels (stupid, stupid idea)
4) friends, who like me, gets as quickly enthusiastic about something and as quickly disinterested.
5) a sense of direction to guide me home

museum night was a good concept- 40 museums open up their doors from 7pm to 2am and they have parties and djs and culturally enriching activities going on, but for some reason or the other, we thought it sucked big time.
it costed us 14 euros each, which to us is a fortune because we're cheap as hell (50 cents for a trip to the bathroom? forget it, we'd rather get UTI) and it was honestly mentally and physically draining-
the waiting around coupled together with the exciting zoo tour definitely killed our spirits.
by the time we ended up at the children's science centre where they had a big dance party,
we were almost 2 seconds away from collapsing into each other's bored asses.

i think that it could have potentially been very fun, except we weren't in the mood for a good time,
and as danika would say: "we're just not drunk enough for that shit."

boredom is contagious, and it lingers much like a hangover.

2006-11-03T16:09:00.000-05:00

as promised, pictures from halloween:

andrew the frenchman, sandy the ghost and aaron the junkie

sandy, peter, me and maarten's lips

sandy and the basque country ghost/girls

i like this picture

open wide!

charming

i'm the newspaper boy!

me and the potheads (quite literally)

my sexy cats- danika and raeleigh

me and mikele the italian viking

me and chris the harajuku chick

group picture

at the 'catacomb'- where it all happened

kevin federline wannabe

with my dutch mentor mamas

jeppe and me

with my girl sandy! she was my official photographer last night ;)

2006-11-03T07:25:00.000-05:00

the halloween party last night was so much fucking fun.
it was held in the basement of an old church, but don't quote me, i barely remember any details.
woke up this morning with a massive headache.
the price you pay for a night of good clean drunk fun.

it's interesting because in amsterdam, all the churches have either been converted to nightclubs or restaurants or museums. religion really doesn't exist here, and it's honestly fine by me, in fact i quite like it this way.

and now i have 4 hours to work on my essay-
perfect,

pictures up soon!

2006-10-30T15:45:00.000-05:00

bram called me today out of the blue.
it felt so good to talk to him...but then it brought me back to the sappy yearning mood again.
it's sad because he's so near yet so far.
i really must come to terms with the fact that i will never be able to be with him.
too bad.

i just read an email from my father and i already feel one million times better.
my dad is so fucking funny i don't even know where to begin.
and the best part is he doesn't even mean to be, but he's hilarious. i love him so much!
haha.

i want to go to spain/portugal.
any takers?

2006-10-29T16:53:00.000-05:00

oooh! did you hear the latest news?
the number of litterbugs in singapore is on the rise!
and what's more alarming-
the number of under-30 yr olds committing the offence is increasing too!

CRISIS!!!

2006-10-29T06:12:00.000-05:00

its karma
i don't know why i felt so jealous because nothing serious is going on between us but i was.
i have no right to be pissed because i haven't exactly been the best person ever but it's not fair!!!!!
i'm so fucking childish and selfish it's not even funny
i totally deserve this

went to the bokbier festival yesterday with the same girls from the first bierfest and with miriam, her friend from germany and maarten.
never knew they had so many different types of beer!
the one yesterday was full of brown heavy beers...
kept telling isabelle that the beer tasted like soy sauce. haha.
it was fun to see so many old men in one place.
they were playing typical dutch feel-good songs and people were just drunk-singing and dancing everywhere.
people can be so nice when they're drunk.

its daylight savings again, baby.
turn your clocks back an hour- the day is still young

2006-10-24T14:09:00.000-04:00

i miss him
and he will never know because i will never tell
it's been over a year since we first met and half of which was spent apart,
but i still feel like i did the first time we went out.

i thought i was over it but i guess i'm not.
every now and then i would lapse back into this and it just doesn't even make sense anymore.

why do i have to fall in love with someone i can never have?

2006-10-23T10:31:00.000-04:00

sometimes i think it's better not to have too much fun now,
because when you finally get older and settle down
you'll think back on these times and regret the passing of your wild youth.
i wonder if your past would really come back to haunt you.

the song [young folks] by peter, bjorn and john is the perfect soundtrack...
"if i told you things i did before
told you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me"

random thought- but it does kind of make sense.
maybe everything does happen for a reason,
but if you've been hurt before and never end up learning the lesson, and eventually wind up getting hurt again,
does it mean that you've completely overlooked the lesson fate has specifically set up for you on your destined path?
or does it simply mean your life is made for sorrows?

at the library now- dutch people do actually study contrary to popular belief.
probably not as hard as the asians in toronto, but the library is frighteningly quiet.
i'm not sure how much more i can take.

i'm loving ane brun right now-
her voice is delightful, scandinavian music does it for me every single time

2006-10-20T08:42:00.000-04:00

i'm starving yet i'm too lazy to get up and make myself some lunch.
all i do is sleep, honestly it's so unhealthy because i wake up and my head hurts like a bitch and basically i feel like shit always.

got a new ipod in exchange for my broken one! the only thing that's been relatively efficient here in holland.

it's quiet here-
danika's gone to paris, ike and jaime and off to prague and the rest are in school.
next weekend danika's going to barcelona, ike and jaime off to paris, aaron and andrew off to cologne.
sigh.
if only i didn't have so much ridiculous work, i'd be on that bus to germany with the boys.
#^&@!%^@%R!
4 essays in one week. although one of them requires me to go to a nightclub and do some fieldwork so that's not as bad. heh.

doesn't help that i'm falling sick as well.
i miss porridge. and cheng tng. :(

2006-10-16T12:31:00.000-04:00

i'm going to hungary in february!
bought a return air ticket for 20 euros..all-inclusive!
can't hardly wait!

2006-10-15T07:23:00.000-04:00

had another birthday party last night at stavangerweg!
it was a post-bday celebration for me and aaron, and also for andrew who turned 20 yesterday.
it was a 4 room concept-
mine was the dancing room (complete with a disco ball!!!)
andrew's was the cake and hangout room,
ike's was the vip room,
and aaron's was just the random room you go to when you're bored of the above three.
so so so so so much fun!
i was up till 5 and we started at 9. a full night's worth of socializing and just enjoying the night.

and again, obviously, i have to live with the morning after-
the dirt and filth and stains and broken glass and leftover beer and ash and stale wine and all that good stuff.
bert said an indicator of a good party is when you find broken glass the next day.

oh yes, i'm going back to singapore for christmas!!! booked my flight last night. back on dec 18th and leaving jan 16th. whoohooooooo. SEE YOU GUYS!

some pictures! stole them from sandy- i miss my camera.

my dutch boys- bert and maarten

love this picture

aaron and josune

andrew and sandy

raeleigh, me and josune

sandy from bc and chris from texas

funny picture

the reason why my walls are filthy now

randomness

2006-10-11T16:16:00.000-04:00

i finally have time to breathe!

thanks everyone for the greetings and regards!!!!
this must have been the best and craziest week-long birthday celebration ever!
martin and his friend, tom, came up especially from denmark over the weekend for my big day.
it was so sweet of him to do that, really love that guy to bits!

too bad i didn't have my camera otherwise my blog would be flooded with pictures-
the most hilarious drinking games, the most random quotes and the most obscene poses.
friday night we had a dinner party and i made laksa for my friends (most of them went away on a trip to the dutch island, texel, but some of the rest stayed behind)
they loved it! i was so proud.
even though the next day i woke up to a room full of beer/wine bottles and cans and cigarette butts and chips and beer stains all over the floor and red wine stains on my sheets and cake smeared on the table and dishes spilling out of the sink and the bathroom damp and dirty from the shoes, i was still happy.

celebrating my 21st here in amsterdam was amazing.
initially i was so scared i'd be all alone. it went well, i'm glad i met these great people-
danika and raeleigh helped organize the parties and i wouldn't have had so much fun if not for them.

maybe birthdays are overrated. but i don't care because i had one of the best weeks of my life and i have a feeling it would stay in my mind for a long long long time to come.

:) cheers!

2006-10-05T11:02:00.000-04:00

wow, i effectively jinxed myself.

my camera is broken
my phone is broken

why is it that everything ALWAYS screws up on me?
this is getting so depressing.

i think im almost ready to drown myself in self-pity.
i try- i am trying to be strong and be positive,
but honestly, it's getting too damn hard,

sure, these are but material goods yada yada
but it's so fucking inconvenient,
like me not being able to get my bank account and thus not getting a cellphone contract,
and thus having to spend more on my bills now.

it's always waiting for this and waiting for that.
i am so fucking sick of waiting!!!!!

might be going back to singapore for christmas,
except i can't seem to find a relatively cheap flight.

been seeing zoltan a lot recently.
his actions/words confuses me.
he's so sweet and caring and always such a gentleman,
he's everything i thought i wanted, but somehow it feels like something's not quite right.
we'll see.

i don't think i know what i want anyways

2006-10-03T06:58:00.000-04:00

i fell off my motherfucking bicycle. again.
the damn tram tracks. and the damn rain. and the fact that i was all showered and dressed nicely for a night out.
plus the fact that i ended up soaked lying on the bloody road with cuts and bruises on my elbows and palm and knees.
oh sweet god. why!! and i was so careful! :(

one of these days i'm going to break something i swear.

2006-10-01T12:06:00.000-04:00

i don't like re-reading my entries;
they're always so negative and depressing!
so, i'll let the pictures do the talking.

random-ness at club 11

my hungarian friend, zoltan. he makes the BEST food

trevor getting pissed drunk from boxed white wine

danika posing in my room

sunset from the pier at my place

raeleigh, ophelie, me and danika on the party boat

on the boat

raeleigh's dinner party

jeppe and i

the party-ers

2006-09-30T20:53:00.000-04:00

it's 2.50am on a sunday morning and we're pondering where we should be going.
most of the more popular clubs close at 5, and it's going to cost at least 10 euros plus a 30 minute bike ride.
this is getting ridiculous, i hate that we don't have a club (or at least one that i know) that is like ministry of sound or zouk-
it's always house and trance and techno and i hate that damn music and to pay so much money for that is really pissing me off.
sure, i can try to like it,
but i like my hip-hop/pop/rock better :(
this shit always happens and im getting so tired of this!

blah.

it's so weird because on wednesday danika and i did laundry,
(i literally fell off my bike while trying to carry that shit there)
and i saw this girl ride by on the bike and i commented that she looked so much like paris hilton.
and guess what, apparently she was here in a'dam!
but honestly,
paris hilton on a bicycle riding on rough, uneven streets by the canal?
highly unlikely.
i just thought it was so coincidental...hmmm.

i'm afraid i'd end up like i always do.
i think it could be good, but i'm too scared i'd mess it up.

oh well

2006-09-20T06:26:00.000-04:00

my brother's so cute.
it's the little things that remind me how much of a younger brother he is to me...
our grandaunt's dog died and i got a call from my brother, and an email from my dad.

"You know " ah boy " die yesterday."

it's so weird'...that dog's just the most hyperactive dog ever and it never really occured to me that one day, like everyone else, he'd pass away and just....be gone. forever.
just like hammy :(

i'll always remember him as the fucking annoying puppy who'd just bark like a mad dog, as the scary dog who'd bite strangers, as the cute white fluffy dog, as the horny dog who'd always want to hump my leg, as the older and wiser dog who always was there.

hah. my family has a trend of being really emotional over our pets.
as daren would put it, "sensitive mama"

2006-09-18T11:56:00.000-04:00

and the bad luck continues...

i had a flat tyre on my way out of centraal station- fucking had to drag it all over the place to find a repair shop.
and pay like 10-15 euros to fix it.

fell off my bike while riding it on this bridge.
apart from the embarrassment,
i have more bruises and cuts to add to my already disfigured body!
whoopee!

he's in my class, and it's so weird because he is such a jerky.
just want to slap him around and ask him to wake up his idea.
what is his deal anyways?
i hate it when people fuck with my head-
no games! i don't want games!

i have a glass splinter (can you describe it that way?) on my right feet from wearing flip flops to a club,
so everytime i bike and have to stop i always put so much pressure on it.
ok it's stupid of me, but in my defence, i didn't know we could dance there!
all the international student network said was that there was going to be free beer!
(i'm so cheap, i'll go for anything that doesn't cost money...oh well, what can i do)

i think amsterdam is not treating me right,
all i want is a little respect.

you read me???

2006-09-16T10:26:00.000-04:00

much overdue pictures...
enjoy :)

getting lost at centraal station

utrecht's dom (?)

danika contemplating life on the train to utrecht

bram

the streets of utrecht

aaron icing his knee, jamie looking on feeling bad

aaron and isa looking freaking retarded

norway, holland, canada, singapore!

jenneke, candice and me

michele from italy, jeppe from denmark, me and aaron from toronto

jeppe and his puffy hair

the spanish chicas and danika

raeleigh and danika- my american girls

me and robin!

linda from czech republic and sarah from singapore

on the canal cruise

the canal at sunset

the girls from my introduction week taking a break

trevor and michele enjoying the free beer

me buying kaas souffle from the vending machine thingy

my residence

nadia hotel!!! especially for you, love

2006-09-14T08:37:00.000-04:00

it's a beautiful day.

i'm slowly settling into the daily mundane stuff,
but it's just so laid-back and independent here!
i always feel so strange because of the different way of life...
people are so relaxed, so care-free, so happy-go-lucky.
my friends made me the secretary of sleeping-all-the-time in the 'red light district' group on facebook.
bloody hell.
see i don't party that hard, so papa, don't worry.

danika and i had a good conversation the other day on our way back from utrecht.
i guess all girls, regardless of race and nationality, face the same shit from boys.

interesting.

i'm taking a class on sexuality from a cross-cultural perspective.
it's so enlightening. i love the classes they offer in amsterdam.
i'm even playing with the idea of doing my master's here.
but that can wait, i'm barely in my 3rd week here!

send my love to the kids, i miss you.

2006-09-11T04:31:00.000-04:00

still don't have internet at my place.
typing furiously away in the school computer lab- it's nice, i feel busy and very occupied.
i love how the dutch language sounds. especially when girls speak, it sounds very fun (for lack of a better word)

went to utrecht yesterday with aaron, andrew, trevor, dylan, jaime, danika and sandy.
there was the uitfeest going on, also known as the cultural party/festival.
and yes, i finally met up with bram. after 7 months.

i don't know how i felt, or how i am feeling right now.
it's really kind of over, of course i miss him still especially knowing that he's right beside me physically but knowing that i can't do anything.
we spent the whole day together, and he is very much the same person,
except now i think i've changed.
i am not very interested in getting my heart broken again,
i'm really not looking forward to any further drama or complications than i already face.

never thought i'd be able to handle myself when i saw him.
but i think i did fine, very proud of myself.

so too bad, and so long.

2006-09-09T10:56:00.000-04:00

in amsterdam:

the bicycles are flipping huge- i almost died because my bike wheel got stuck in the tram rail and my whole bike flipped over in the middle of the road. thank god there weren't any cars at that time because i would seriously just have been run over in a flash. and i always can't brake properly because the bike is so damn high, so the other time i had to jump off the bicycle and a car just happened to miss me by an inch. good god. it's fucking scary. i have 16 bruises (and counting...) on both legs from cycling. honestly, who'd have known it'd be this hard??

beers are cheaper than pop/water

they sell beers for 1.15 euros at ikea (wtf??!!)

the parties end by 1am because we start at 8.30pm

the plastic bags cost 20/30 cents euro.

i had my most expensive pee at 50 euro cents a visit.

it's probably easier to buy drugs than a travel adaptor.

i buy fast food off a vending machine wall thingy

i got to know more canadians here than i ever did in 2 years in toronto. likewise, i got to know more dutch people in canada than here.

everything is still very fresh, but now that i have a bike, i'm beginning to feel a little less of a tourist and more of an amsterdam-ian :)

2006-09-05T06:48:00.000-04:00

2 weeks since i arrived in a'dam!
it's a lazy tuesday afternoon...most of us here at stavangerweg don't have class, so we're just chilling.
it sucks, because all of them have their bikes except me!
bloody fricking hell...damn sian.

had my first class in public international law yesterday! the teacher intimidates the hell out of me,
she previously worked in the international court of justice in the hague.
just that little bit of trivia itself is enough to make me kowtow to her for the rest of my life.

nothing else is much. just getting cold here in the netherlands.
i still haven't met bram yet, wonder if that would happen at all.
but whatever, it's over.
i'm dead to him.
even my group leader, jenneke, said to find better!
i mean honestly, how hard can it be right? just get your act together and move on!

ATDVHUWIHJNFCJWBUISHUWDXHQNDCN

i'm going fucking insane just not knowing what i'm going crazy about.

2006-08-28T06:47:00.000-04:00

oh, wow.
i never realised maarten was that hot.
ha ha ha.
i must admit i was smitten when we met last night.

learnt more naughty dutch words from the crazy crazy girls- kristie, isabelle, debbie, marieke and elsje!
they totally went berserk at biermarkt- laughing and singing and dancing in the middle of the square..really cracked me up!
it was at sassenheim, a small town near leiden.
but before that i went with isa to visit her parents at lisse- another small city around that area.
they told me i must go back in spring to the keukenhof because that's when all the empty fields/gardens will be filled with colourful flowers all over the place. i can only imagine how beautiful that must be!

and oh, i saw my first windmill!! muaha!
and a first- i took a tram, a bus, a small train and a big train all in one night.

the food here is suprisingly good. but i havent really had an authentic full dutch dinner yet-
only had typically dutch snacks like kaas souffle, croquette, fries with mayo and peanut sauce....lekker lekker!
the surinamese and middle eastern food is also super damn good. ahhhh...
yixiao u should be here!

pictures! i found the thingy in my luggage. haha.

bicycles at centraal station

the river amstel beside isa's house

typical amsterdam-ian houses: the stairs and the clock

amsterdam is the early morning

one of the many many canals

the old heineken brewery

isa in her kitchen reading my european phrasebook

isa and her mom

sieb! my dutch mentor

'nuff said.

uit markt at dam square

saskia and kristie being hyper

the dutch girls

all of us

another uit markt stage at nieuwmarkt- the only sunny day!

sunday brunch at isa's parents

isabelle's mom and dad- they are so sweet

my first time on a bike in holland!- the bicycles are seriously not meant for short asian legs

marieke, elsje, me and debbie at biermarkt

isa's sister, rosanne and her (and rosanne's boyfriend at the back)

random people! dutch people can be quite funny really :)

another group of randoms

enjoying the beer

the full group of us

debbie and kristie posing for the camera

2006-08-26T17:00:00.000-04:00

yesterday i went to the opening ceremony of the uit markt with isa, kristie and sashkia.
it was so interesting watching all the locals go crazy over some old cheesy dutch act...
fun! would post pictures but i realise i didn't bring the f-ing dock to upload/charge my camera.
knn...damn pissed!!

watching the expression on the faces of 3 dutch girls who paid waaaaay too much for wine (8.50 euros each) is priceless.

been raining a lot. it's one of those weird on-off-on again type of rain.
slightly depressing but it's all part of the experience, innit?

going to the biermarkt tomorrow with isabelle and her friends at sassenheim!
that should be exciting..

good night! doei! xx

2006-08-24T16:36:00.000-04:00

i need to stop blogging.

it's 10.33pm dutch time = 4.33am singapore time.
tired like a dog but need...to...beat....jetlag....

i think that if you want to be taken seriously and have your arguments come across as having some sense, you need to stop adding vulgarities at every possible chance.
and i am talking to myself.

2006-08-24T13:06:00.000-04:00

and finally the sun is out-
after a cloudy/rainy day, all is clear and bright again.

met sieb today, she's so friendly and fun!
i was so scared i wouldn't be able to talk to her, but it turned out really well thankfully!
some crazy woman was cycling by and the whole time she just pointed at me and rambled on about something.
initially i thought she was referring to someone/thing else but i realised it was me!
sieb didn't want to translate for me and said to just ignore her, so she must have said something nasty..
bloody hell...kena arrowed twice in 2 days.
not very nice at all...but like i said, dirt off my shoulders!

otherwise though, dutch people are really nice!
especially the lady working on the number 4 tram. haha

the cultural festival kicks off tomorrow at dam square...and most probably meeting maarten this weekend!
should be some exciting stuff :)
for now, it's back to resting my poor legs...been walking all day!!!

i need a bicycle

2006-08-23T10:37:00.000-04:00

isabelle's busy at school so it's just been me and my ipod enjoying each other's company.
i'm staying with her in this neighbourhood called de pijp- it's just outside central amsterdam but the best part is that her house is right by the river amstel.
it's beautiful, today as i was walking to this flea market i sat by the river, i thought about my dad and about home in general.
i miss everyone!

i'm meeting my dutch mentor tomorrow at dam square!
it feels somewhat like a blind date- so exciting!!!

will post pictures soon!
tot ziens

2006-08-22T07:46:00.000-04:00

greetings from amsterdam!

after a sweet farewell and a 12-hour flight, i finally got into the netherlands!
during the flight i was talking to this swiss woman next to me, and she was just like an energizer bunny talking and talking in her french-accented english. but i liked it! she's interesting and i'm too damn excited/sleepy to care anyways.
waking up to the sight of europe just a few thousand miles down below is such an amazing feeling.
the lights from the cities/towns were all clustered up and seemingly independent of each other with all the blackness in between- it was enchanting.

sometimes the thought of something is actually much worse than when you finally do it-
the idea of arriving alone at the airport in a totally foreign land freaked the hell out of me,
but apart from lugging my heavy-ass bags by myself, it really wasn't that bad.
the train ride was smooth and fast,
locating isabelle wasn't that hard either!
the only retarded part of this whole experience was when i was at centraal station and these 2 drunk guys hollered some racist comment at me- didn't quite catch what they said exactly but something to do with chinese lah! but its ok, it's just like sweeping off dirt on my shoulders.

AMSTERDAM!
it's pretty and quaint yet so modern and interesting.
isa and i walked around the city- saw the red light district and chinatown and my school and dam square etc etc.
everything is damn expensive here but i managed to find some cheapo places to do toiletries shopping already.
did the typical dutch thing of cycling around town but unfortunately fell off isa's bike at the junction of the road and so many people saw- that was also freaking embarrassing!
what a great way to start of the year, eh?

ahhh...it's only been 7 hours.
it already feels like it's been longer-but just as surreal though.
maybe the chase is really better than the real deal?

2006-08-21T07:03:00.000-04:00

i'm hours away to hopping on the plane and leaving for amsterdam.
but my heart feels heavy.
for the first time i think i actually feel sadness within me-
my dad is still recovering and i feel terrible for leaving just like that.

i'm tired yet excited about this exchange program.
i just don't know if i'm ready for anything?

oh, i don't know.
but it's goodbye singapore, hello holland for now

2006-08-11T17:38:00.000-04:00

oh my god.

2006-08-08T08:56:00.000-04:00

so glad i'm almost done with work-
as much as i enjoy the experience i'm glad i'm done.

slightly terrifed at the culture barrier i'll be facing in holland.
i'm going to be in the same group as a girl from japan, uk and germany and a guy from norway, austria and azerbaijan!!
scared lah...!!!
my mentors names are Sjoerd van Bennekom and Siebrigje Dijk.
how more dutch can it get? die lah, how to pronounce!!?!
ooh! her last name is sounds a bit like 'dick' i think--> flashback to that episode of _sex and the city_ where miranda chats the dutch guy up who eventually chucks her for some busty chick.
ha ha. love how tv plays such a pivotal role in our lives.
popular culture feeds the soul.

love love love rufus wainwright.
his songs make me so happy

2006-08-05T02:47:00.000-04:00

all this time i was bitch-slapping and accusing him of being a top class idiot, there it was- his email waiting for me.
not that it should make a difference now, my heart is dead to him.

suffered a case of overworked-ness yesterday at the office.
felt like i was going to get fever, thank god, it never came.

khoo is gone, albert is gone,
soon bobby and edward and i will be gone.
next summer when we all meet again we'll have so many exciting stories to share, so many new experiences to tell and so many things to catch up on.

16 more days!

2006-07-30T10:01:00.000-04:00

it's funny how something so small and insignificant can trigger an avalanche of memories in your head.
my t-shirt smells of toronto- and it hot me how much i miss that place.
i miss everything about canada:
the detergent smells different, the water tastes different, the people speak different.
the air is polluted, the sidewalks are filthy, the roads are packed constantly,
and, i still love every single part of it.

i think part of the appeal is knowing that i can do it-
i had managed to stick it out in some foreign land that's so amazingly diverse.
and i love it. i love what i've become, and i love knowing that it's only a matter of time before my experiences make me a whole lot more fulfilled.

and honestly, who can say no to that?

2006-07-28T06:50:00.000-04:00

i really don't understand why i have to be such a cynic all the time.
it's getting very old, honestly.

attempting to embark on my own personal project on a subject i feel pretty strongly about- somehow still not having the confidence to actually believe in my own potential.
how can i possibly churn out something remotely interesting and engaging if i don't have a clue myself?

my fellow intern at hbo from yale is such a joy to be with. i love giving him singaporean girl advice and receiving tips on how to charm the boys. too bad he's leaving next week- i'm beginning to see a very dangeous pattern of me meeting great people and having them leave me high and dry at the end.

amsterdam is 24 days away.

is it seriously already the end of july?

2006-07-22T08:09:00.000-04:00

highlights of redang-

1. female -ahem- bonding
2. "tambaktu!", "shame interests"
3. the beautiful sky, sand, water
4. the guys
5. the girls
6. the food
7. the dancing to romanian songs in malaysia
8. party by the beach!
9. sea-sickness
10. the pictures

oh i miss it!